As a parent, when you’re freaked out about the direction of where your child is going, do you trust that they’re going to make the right decision? Or are you too scared they’re going to fall short of your expectation?
Clinical mental health counselor Pripo Teplitsky and host of the podcast, Relationships! Let’s Talk About It shares some great insights into parenting, specifically creating that safe space so you can grow a healthy parent-child relationship.
Pripo likes to stress the focus of the relationship – specifically feeding the relationship, instead of reacting to the worry. You’re going to have issues with the kids throughout their life as they grow older, whether that’s sex, money, drugs or a host of difficult areas.
Becoming a Model
According to Pripo, modeling as a parent plays a huge role in your child’s development. It doesn’t have to hit the bull’s eye. What needs to come out of you is your vulnerability, humility, and the ability to take accountability which takes a tremendous amount of self-compassion. If we feel shame, it’s going to feel too painful to take accountability and responsibility. And so, one way to teach our children self-compassion is by having it ourselves.
Letting Go of Expectations and Attachment
Pripo’s advice to parents out there is to trust your child’s path. Not that we have to get everything right, because it’s not a linear journey, but we just have to trust and not get freaked out whenever something’s not happening according to our expectations.
Pripo defines expectation as a “yet to be realized” resentment because we get so attached to an outcome. And if we’re constantly attached to our expectations, there’s going to be constant resentment.
When you’re too attached to the outcome, you’re subtly and slowly destroying the relationship because that attachment says that you don’t trust your kid. You think they’re doing something wrong or that they’re going to turn out to be a violent person. And so, they can’t share with you anymore and they’re not going to let you in anymore.
Pripo stresses that if you can cultivate the relationship with trust, vulnerability and openness, your kids are going to talk to you about all that stuff, and it’s going to be a lot easier for you to be able to make your mistakes as well.
If you want to learn more about parenting and building a healthy, happy relationship with your kids, check out Episode 014: The Heart of Conflict: How to Create Safety, Flexibility and Love with Our Children with Clinical Mental Health Counselor Pripo Teplitsky.