Family events can be very stressful on relationships. One of the observations I hear most often from people who come into my office has to do with the intensity of emotion that only family can evoke. People are often confused why they might have an easier time having a conversation with a stranger than with…
In this last instalment on my series regarding shame, I address issues regarding healing from shame. The reason we keep shame hidden is not because of a defect, quite the opposite, our defence mechanisms are what keep us alive. It may seem rational that someone who has a fundamentally destructive view of themselves would benefit…
One of the reasons that I focused on shame this week is because of how amazed I have been at its capacity to suck emotion, thoughts and visceral feelings into an abyss. At the heart of good enough emotional functioning is a kind of relatedness with oneself that allows for a fluidity of internal and…
I spent the week creating with friends from around the world. We used as our source material letters, videos, and documents from my grandfather’s journey throughout the second world war and his subsequent emigration to Canada. He lost his entire family and then spent the post-war years becoming a dentist in Europe. Upon his arrival…
One of my dear couples clients came in today, it had been a few weeks since we met. As one of them opened up, she began to speak in binaries about what their partner was and wasn’t. I immediately knew that she was in pain. After I slowed her down and gently remarked that…
There is a tremendous cliche about men not opening up about their feelings. Over my time as a therapist, I would agree that things have trended in the direction of men often being more reserved, but there are many many exceptions. Men are often significantly more comfortable opening up, taking the lead and providing…
How do we understand who we are and how our life unfolds? Do we compare it to some normative scale that we need to adjust to? Or is there an intrinsic logic to the uniqueness of our experience? These questions have a huge bearing on how we see ourselves and also how we might…
On this week’s podcast, we delve into neurodiversity. The truth is, that as organisms, we are all different. It’s a bit like currency, there are hundreds of different currencies in the world, and it is the value that a collective group of people give to a piece of paper that gives it its worth. The…
Silence is a truth-teller. It is the place where we project our unconscious associations and feelings. It is also where we come back in touch with our breath. I remember that I used to go to a yoga studio, and the teacher would ask us to breathe in a way where no one could…
It is easy to rail against the world. A friend and I were talking last night, and he lamented the fact that we often want the world to bend our way. So much of the vulnerability that emerges in relationships has an existential nature. The person that is closest to us is there for our…